I’ve been watching the presidential preliminaries with considerable interest. We don’t have to worry about the Republican process; they have a really wide field. Eleven candidates ranging from loudmouths and a somewhat white bread nepotistic fellow through a mild but thoughtful physician and earnest Cuban repatriates. That will all sort itself out, I guess.

The Democrat candidacy does concern me though, as we need more targets — ahem, more viable candidates.

Think about it. We have somebody named O’Malley or something like that and nobody knows much more about him than that somebody of a similar name was played by James Whitmore against Ma Kettle in a 1940’s movie. 

We have Bernie Sanders. Whenever he talks you get the impression that he was blacklisted by the House Unamerican Activities Committee around 1953.  Nice man, but not really viable.  Does anybody really want to vote for Trotsky as president?

Then we have the front runner, Hillary Rodham Clinton. Without going into details regarding e-mails, unfortunate Ambassadorial deaths, Vinny Foster, highly dubious fund raising, and cover ups of her husband’s peccadilloes, she has more than enough baggage to sink the Titanic.  It doesn’t help that she has the emotional public presentation of something between a Stepford Wife and an Electric Grandmother.

Given the realities of political life at this point, maybe it is time for the Dems to latch onto the possibility of the world’s first real computer generated candidate—and I, of course, have a proposal.

There was a lady named Shirley Black. Well known, popular, politically active, and disliked by absolutely nobody.  Currently dead, but that can’t be helped.

Think of the advertising possibilities! We could do CGI replacements of Buddy Ebsen and Bill Robinson, replacing them with images of Barack Obama dancing with Shirley Temple up and down steps.  The whole economy thing could be given new life with the candidate singing “Animal Crackers In My Soup” and her doughty cheerfulness.  She darned near brought us out of that depression and movie actors have been successful presidents in the past, no?

Yep, Shirley Temple Black is the Democratic candidate for my money.  And her running mate could be the other leading box office draw of the period.  Who could object to Lassie?  Come to think of it, Lassie was usually played by a male, which could bring in the LGBT vote.

Who needs real people as office holders?  Assuming that any of them HAVE been real over the last few decades; a thing open to debate.

D.W. Marohl

Sun Prairie

(1) comment

Eric Sider

Well said. What it's really about is bread and circuses.

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